I definitely think that sitting down together and looking through the catalog, talking about the options, circling things, will be a lot of fun - and will really open up your horizons. You could easily end up with three or four new hobbies that you both love!

Hehe, I married for love. Financial security? Had none. Still have none. Neither of us finished college, we were (and are!) young and I was stubborn. I wanted to get married, and didn't care how. We had the cheapest wedding we could manage. I cooked the food for the reception, and my cousin DJed!

So yes, people still get married for love. Or what we think is love. Problem with marrying young like we did is things change. I lost my religion, for one, since then. We still have no money, live with my parents now. We still don't know how we can both pursue our very different career paths... but gosh darn it, we love each other!

Hehe.

Objectively though, I don't think it's wrong to marry for security. It's a very real issue and a very real need. It's very hard to live without financial security. It depends what need you need fulfilled more, personally. Do you need love, cuddling, snuggling, goo-goo type love? Or is your need for fulfillment found in feeling secure? We all fulfill ourselves differently and have no right to say someone else is in the wrong.

I married young (at 18-and-a-month) because my mother had stopped paying for my college expenses (long story) and I would do MUCH better on financial aid if I was married. The school would no longer count my parents' income, they would only count the income of me and my spouse (which was very low).

I did love my boyfriend too, but there would not have been any reason to marry right away outside of the financial incentive.

As it turns out I dropped out anyway, and we had a son a year after. I would not have wanted to have a son out of wedlock for legal reasons, so in a way it means we started our family sooner than we might have otherwise.

Would I have married him "just for love" if I had the money coming in smoothly for my college education? I imagine not. I knew I loved him, he knew he loved me. There was no need, for us, to go through a ceremony to confirm it. So that is how we looked at it.

I understand completely that different people have different feelings about what marriage "means".

I would like to address the question of more divorces, and there doesn't seem to be the effort put into marriages "these days."

When I got married a woman had no choice but to stay married, especially after children were born. It seemed to me that the "working at marriage" became the job of the woman. I was even told by my mother "it is the woman who keeps the family together." My first husband and I were very much in love. That did not change the fact that we made it a practice to push each others buttons. Both of us were unhappy for a host of reasons.

After my kids were grown I made a decision to end the marriage. If I had the wherewithall to end it sooner I would have. I don't think that there is less effort put into marriages these days, I just think there are options for both partners that were not there years ago.

I agree with BLR that staying in a marriage is not always the healthy choice. If you look at social issues back in the days leading up to prohibition, a leading reason so many women were for prohibition is that their husbands were getting drunk and beating them and their children. They could not leave, they were trapped in an abusive situation. If you read about the lobbying for prohibition, a great impetus for it was to save the women and children from being beaten up and killed.

So yes, they had a much higher "long years marriage rate". I am not sure it was necessarily a good thing.

Before I was married myself, I always thought it would be a quite simple choice for someone to know whether or not to stay married.

Shows how naive I was then.

I imagine it's a lot like an abusive relationship. When you're outside one you can say "Why would she ever stay with him, he's a jerk! She should just pack up and leave!" But when someone is in a relationship and the abuse grows gradually over time, and the love gets mingled in with the abuse, it can be challenging. You might say "OK he's crossed the line. No wait, he's really sorry, I'll give him another chance." It's really hard to judge, if you've put up with X, is it really worth leaving for X + 1, when does your "real line" get crossed?

im certainly not married but as ive said in previous posts im head over heels in love and will DEFINITELY marry for love. Everyone i know that is married has marreid for love, parents, grparent, great grandparents aunts uncles cousins etc. I think that marriage makes a love more 'permanent' like dont mess with my guy/girl im married to them adn theyre MINE! this doesnt always seem to work hence affairs and such. But i think that u dnt need paper to say ur in love either tho. so i guess it goes both ways but love in marriage makes it last longer.

That's a very interesting thought, Mattie. So, to you, marriage is about one partner saying "do not touch her, she belongs to me"?

From my view, each person in a relationship should be saying that for herself or himself. For example, in my relationship, I do not need Bob to say to anyone "she belongs to me". I am the one responsible for saying "I am not interested". I do not feel I should ever have to rely on having Bob "threaten" guys away from me.

Otherwise, what would happen if I was in a club, and Bob wasn't there?

I wonder if age and the concept of marrying for love has anything to do with it? I mean, I can honestly say although I still deeply love my husband, in hindsight it might've been wiser to stay off.

Maybe age and religious influence in my case. Cause my religious upbringing (and his!) said no x, y, and z before marriage. And I wanted to take our relationship to the next level. So I pushed for marriage. Now, I think we would've been just as happy having those things without the title of marriage, and without the guilt of religious condemnation.

A curious thought crossed my mind, what is the purpose of open marriages? It comes to my mind mainly because of a recent House eipsode with a couple who were both into the porn industry, and very happy with having open relations. Apparently, they were still very connected and in love with each other and believed in the need for someone "always being there."