I was reading on another forum where someone wrote a post indicating a really healthy sense of self esteem. I was kinda blown away. It was nice to see.

It made me wonder about you guys. How do you feel your own self esteem is?

I will start: mine is the pits. I know I have certain skills and aptitudes, and am confident of my intelligence. But I also feel like a complete failure to be a success in life, fit into normal society, or stick to anything.

So even though I know there are things I am good at, it means little to me. In the balance, I know I am a misfit. I am usually okay with that, but have bad days sometimes.

I was wondering how others feel about themselves. Where is your own level of self esteem?

I've had an amazing sense of self-esteem over the past few years. Almost to the point of having an unhealthy ego.

What helps me: Life is too short. It just is. It's way too short to dread anything, to feel down, to get down on yourself. Every day is a "gift" that can be taken by one idiot with a car or a gun. I don't have time to waste, none of us do, over worry or self-doubt.

If something's wrong with me that I don't like, I change it. No whining about "how hard it is," I change it.

Don't stay in the pits Jilly. It doesn't matter how you fit in, or how you succeed, or sticking to anything. You set your goals, and you fight to accomplish them anyway you know how. This is your life and no one else!

Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's poor

I'm a complex person, so the answer is complex, also.

I live like a result-oriented person and an outgoing extrovert. But inside, I am an introvert and very much one who values good relationships. And even though I try to be supportive of others, and people do like me for the most part, I'm perhaps never quite sure of that. I think I'm better at people I meet for the first time, and complete strangers - or buddies in special relationships, than I am with acquaintances and friends of long-standing nature.

I suspect I am a little too intense, and I think also I'm too insistent on my own projects and time.

But, my wife says that I analyze it too much, and that my family and friends love me.

Even on here, I worry that I've said the wrong thing. Or I say something for which I'd like to have affirmation (but not necessarily agreement). Rejection or hostility from the former, or ignoring my comment from the latter, can bother me.

I know it shouldn't, and as I am SLOWLY maturing, I am adjusting quicker and better, but I recognize these things as something that I need to work at.

Janimal and others have helped me on here by telling me to not just stop posting, but to shake it off, and keep on. It's seldom as bad as I thought it was, or in the case of the need for affirmation, not as important as I thought it was.

Nevertheless, whatever our self-esteem, I do think that it is good to be supportive of others. One can appreciate another's viewpoint, even as one posts about thoughts which are in disagreement. I think we can disagree about concepts while still respecting the persons.

When I was younger I had some self esteem issues that gave me problems. At some point I came into my own. Through counceling I took a new look at the real me and I liked what I saw so I quite being someone else. It does wonders for your self esteem to find that you really like yourself.

I spent the first 18 years of my life trying to please my parents, the second 18 years trying to please my husband. It is hard on your self esteem if you are trying to please others.

I think I have a healthy self-esteem. I think it comes from knowing yourself well. I know what I like, what I don't, what I am good at, and can accept the things I am not. I can laugh at myself and don't take things too seriously (usually). I know I am a good person with good intentions. I don't care what others think, unless they are close loved ones, and even then I only care to a point. I've never identified with the vast majority and am fine with that, actually quite thankful I wasn't raised to go with the flow. I have never been one to conform and am not afraid to say what I think or stand up for what I believe in.
In my opinion, it is a wonderful thing to "not fit in"!
In my mid-teens I went through a short phase of being a little unsure, but I think that is a normal process as you grow up.

Love My Budgies, that sounds much like me ~ much of the time!
But then I will suddenly lose my confidence and feel that I have said or done something wrong, or foolish, or something.

Then people will even ask me why I have so little self confidence.
Yet others think that I am very confident.

Weird

Jilly - I don't think there's any such thing as "normal society". Right now you are surrounded by religious conservatives. You could move 300 miles and be surrounded by ultra-liberal homosexuals.

You cannot judge how you fit in based on a sample around you I am sure there are parts of the world where you would be a *perfect* fit!! Just look at YouTube at some commune videos!

I have been taking a self esteem course since mid-summer at my local guidance clinic and I can HUGELY tell the difference in how I feel about myself. It's actually pretty amazing to be able to feel good about ME.

I highly recommend people with low self esteem do something like this if possible. look around and see your local resources. You may have to do some digging to find these kinds of things but it's worth the effort.

Alternatively, there are workbooks you can order from amazon to help work on your own self esteem issues if you can;t find a group or class setting.

Great news, Jilly.
And I think that Lisa is right ~ it often depends on where you are and the company you keep